Red Headed Babies
Where do red-headed babies come from?
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!'
'Nonsense,' the doctor said...'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be. Our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'
"Well, said the doctor, let me ask you this? How often do you have sex???"
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!'
'Nonsense,' the doctor said...'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be. Our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'
"Well, said the doctor, let me ask you this? How often do you have sex???"
'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently.... "It's rust!"
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It is COLD
It's so cold that Shania Twain covered her midriff.
It's cold enough to freeze the nuts off the Guy Lombardo bridge!
I'm shivering like a mobster in a tax office.
It's so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post.
It's so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It's so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins.
It's so cold that the local flasher was caught *describing* himself to women.
It's so cold you light a candle and the flame freezes.
It's so cold your shadow freezes to the sidewalk.
It's so cold you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It's so cold you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It's so cold your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.
It's so cold police tell a robber to freeze, and he does.
It's so cold that Bill Clinton is sleeping with his own wife in order to keep warm.
It was so cold that the Statue of Liberty put the torch INSIDE her dress.
It was so cold the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
It's so cold our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about.
It's so cold people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It's so cold igloos come with a lifetime guarantee.
It's so cold you bake a cake, set it out to cool, 10 minute later it's frosted.
It's so cold the fire department advises you to set your house on fire.
It's so cold the prisoners were BEGGING for the electric chair!
It's so cold people were flicking their Bics in their POCKETS!
It's so cold this morning that I saw one dog jump starting another dog.
It's so cold my balls have became ovaries.
It's so cold you'd have to jump start a reindeer.
It's so cold I saw a squirrel burying Sterno!
It's so cold when you opened the door to the house the small light in front went on!
It's so cold when I put on my coat to take out the garbage it didn't want to go!
It's so cold my wife made a pot of coffee. She set it outside to cool and it froze so fast the ice was warm.
It's so cold that if my thermometer had been an inch longer, I would have frozen to death.
It's so cold the fire hydrant is begging a dog to pee on it.
It's so cold the snowman begs you to take him inside at night.
It's so cold the hookers downtown are charging 20 bucks just to blow on your hands.
It's cold enough to freeze the nuts off the Guy Lombardo bridge!
I'm shivering like a mobster in a tax office.
It's so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post.
It's so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It's so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins.
It's so cold that the local flasher was caught *describing* himself to women.
It's so cold you light a candle and the flame freezes.
It's so cold your shadow freezes to the sidewalk.
It's so cold you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It's so cold you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It's so cold your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.
It's so cold police tell a robber to freeze, and he does.
It's so cold that Bill Clinton is sleeping with his own wife in order to keep warm.
It was so cold that the Statue of Liberty put the torch INSIDE her dress.
It was so cold the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
It's so cold our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about.
It's so cold people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It's so cold igloos come with a lifetime guarantee.
It's so cold you bake a cake, set it out to cool, 10 minute later it's frosted.
It's so cold the fire department advises you to set your house on fire.
It's so cold the prisoners were BEGGING for the electric chair!
It's so cold people were flicking their Bics in their POCKETS!
It's so cold this morning that I saw one dog jump starting another dog.
It's so cold my balls have became ovaries.
It's so cold you'd have to jump start a reindeer.
It's so cold I saw a squirrel burying Sterno!
It's so cold when you opened the door to the house the small light in front went on!
It's so cold when I put on my coat to take out the garbage it didn't want to go!
It's so cold my wife made a pot of coffee. She set it outside to cool and it froze so fast the ice was warm.
It's so cold that if my thermometer had been an inch longer, I would have frozen to death.
It's so cold the fire hydrant is begging a dog to pee on it.
It's so cold the snowman begs you to take him inside at night.
It's so cold the hookers downtown are charging 20 bucks just to blow on your hands.
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The German Tourist
This German tourist was on a bus tour of Costilla during the summer that had a stop at this old convent. The tour wasn't that interesting and he managed to stay behind and start wandering. Feeling the urge, he stopped to pee on the outside wall of the chapel. While he was doing his business, the Mother Superior surprised him. "OH! I am soo sorry!"
"No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's...You know. Could I take a look?"
A nun asking to see his works freaked out the tourist but it was kinda kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell. The nun looked at it for a bit and as he was about to put it away she said, "You know, I always wanted to touch it. Would you mind...?"
"This is really weird, but sure." The tourist was getting really excited. Who could say that a nun had tossed you off?
"Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete experience?" the nun requested.
The tourist, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly took down his pants. The nun began fondling his testicles and suddenly straightened, and said, "Don't (SQUEEZE) piss (SQUEEZE) on the (SQUEEZE) church (SQUEEZE) walls!"
"No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's...You know. Could I take a look?"
A nun asking to see his works freaked out the tourist but it was kinda kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell. The nun looked at it for a bit and as he was about to put it away she said, "You know, I always wanted to touch it. Would you mind...?"
"This is really weird, but sure." The tourist was getting really excited. Who could say that a nun had tossed you off?
"Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete experience?" the nun requested.
The tourist, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly took down his pants. The nun began fondling his testicles and suddenly straightened, and said, "Don't (SQUEEZE) piss (SQUEEZE) on the (SQUEEZE) church (SQUEEZE) walls!"
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